THE MASK I FACE IN THE THEATER OF LIFE

Fear the face I say, for it’s not me
But how you all want me to be
They couldn’t find an artist to smile
Got me a new face that could never frown

Disgust I feel, it’s just not me
It’s not a new face I crave; new life’s what I need
I see the world in black...black alone
The eyes are cut out, black I will still see

I shout the lines to make you hear
How much I suffer, why the new face I fear
They couldn’t find an artist to smile
Got me a new face that could never frown
It’s not sweat but tears you see gleaming
In the spotlight, jewels they seem
Mist surrounds me as I crouch
I look around, to find my feet still on the ground
Rise above it all; feel I soar far over the skies
Only to realize it’s a stage, it’s a lie

I shout the lines to make you hear
How much I suffer, why the new face I fear
They couldn’t find an artist to smile
Got me a new face that could never frown
It’s not sweat but tears you see gleaming
In the spotlight, jewels they seem
I take a bow, rid myself of the face
Look into the mirror, only to see
I made myself another pearl,
Just under my eye

QUESTIONS IN MY MIND

Lying on the floor, I wonder how it is
What after I seize to exist?
Will Satan make me his prey?
To be born again, is it a thought gone astray?
I think to myself, what I have done yet
To become human again

How can He decide heaven or hell?
When good & bad, we have defined
Why do they say we forget & start afresh?
Maybe just an excuse, not to fear your last breath

Can’t find the answer…

How will it be if human I shall stay?
Why can’t I remember from the past...thought he was pleased
He maybe doesn’t want to reveal
Who we were…or rather who He is
I say make them forget, who are left behind
I will get a new life, how will they survive?

How can He decide heaven or hell?
When good & bad, we have defined
Why do they say we forget & start afresh?
Maybe just an excuse, not to fear your last breath

Can't find the answer....

Have to start over…I’ll have to relive it
I guess…death I’d like to feel it

SOME ANSWERS

Facing the bright blinding sun
Kneeling down with my hair undone
Closest to Him as I can be
Cursing Him for all my misery
Without missing my soul
Without losing my soul

I need answers….& I know

Shadows of the past are left behind
Only to be seen if u look behind
You walk into the light so enchanting
You fear moving on, & forget to embrace
All that you had & what you had faced

It’s like I’m two faced
One for myself & other for the world
Why it can not be one? I ask
Why does there have to be such contrast?
I’m not to be blamed coz I want only bliss
For I’ve seen too much, I know sorrow exists

I need answers….& I know

Shadows of the past are left behind
Only to be seen if u look behind
You walk into the light so enchanting
You fear moving on, & forget to embrace
All that you had & what you had faced
Will you rid me of grief?
Or will it stay as it is?

I need answers….demand answers.

SHOULD I REST IN PEACE?

Got tired of running this way
Wished death shouldn’t catch up today.
Don’t want a tombstone in my name
Don’t want to be laid in the grave
Don’t want the gun shot salute
Don’t want my girlfriend to find out
Not now, oh lord not now

The soul gives up & drifts away
For whom is Rest in peace carved anyway?
For he who mourns the passing
Or for whom now God embraces?
Whose life will I be allowed to spare?
When will I go from this mass grave?
When will their lust for blood satiate?
With the next shot of my musket?
Have seen enough of bodies give up on their souls
Killing still….just to get home

The soul gives up & drifts away
For whom is Rest in peace carved anyway?
For he who mourns the passing
Or for whom now God embraces?
Rest in peace don’t you say
After you took all the peace away
The three words I fear to be engraved
I miss in my life deranged.

I wonder & ask…..

Why is R.I.P. carved anyway?
For he who mourns the passing
Or to mock peace….everyday

LESSONS I LEARN

Been a while since I stopped the fascination
About the righteous path of my existence
There is no destiny that I fear
Or any rituals I have to adhere
Life is full of choices, one has to make
& then move on to yet another stage
Where you are to make choices yet again
To take you on a path you wished to attain

I’ve been breathing for long
& wondering all along
How this life goes on
& what lessons I learn
“Can’t always live a joyous life
Don’t worry my child u will suffice”
Got a reply after my longing appeal
Or was that just to kill the monotony
Life can’t be understood in just one word
It combines two contrasting worlds
I wonder how the troops can survive
When they have death stare them right in the eyes

I’ve been breathing for long
& wondering all along
How this life goes on
I think that’s my final lesson learnt

FALLING FOR LIFE

I took a step forward
Only to find myself falling

Falling free from these shackles
To be prepared for the battles
Those which I have to face
& still those I will embrace
Had the wind in my face
Pulling my cheeks away
With the ground coming to me
& trees, getting better to see
I didn’t spread my wings
I just let it be
I flew into the sunlight
Or in to the moonlight
That I had to decide
With no one to adjudge

Falling free from these shackles
To be prepared for the battles
Those which I have to face
& still those I will embrace

I have the wind to support me
Sunlight feeding me energy
Trees always to accommodate
& the skies to listen & appreciate
All I wanted was to break free

I flew far & wide, only to realise
Just how real, staying on land can be

DEATH DECIDES LIFE

Standing in the silhouette
She thinks of the tourniquet
Blood rushes out, draining her life
Still doesn’t think of demise
Hoping this rage would take over
To forget all her misery

If death is something to be feared
& your life is not so surreal
Keep breathing, for life can turnover
Well death you will still fear
She stands still in the red sand
No tears in her eyes & thoughts out of hand
She has cut & bruised herself
But never believed she’d die helpless
Her limbs are nailed to the rotten wood
In the silhouette motionless she stood

If death is something to be feared
& your life is not so surreal
Keep breathing, for life can turnover
Well death is certain, she does not fear
Why should anyone die like this?
With nailed ankles & bloody wrists
Going closer saw it wasn’t a woman
With a thorn crown, it is beyond being human.

Keep breathing, for life can turnover
Well death is certain, He does not fear

WALKING TALL

Was walking tall, down the road

Thought my life was in control
The denial was wearing me down
Longed for the sun to fade out
But feared the darkness would come about
For I couldn’t see where I’d reach out

Realized the road just can’t be straight
Had a feeling it is all determined by fate
Thought that, I was really in control
Was walking tall down the road
All I saw was the horizon
Was walking, but everything seemed frozen
Strangers passed & I was least bothered
Until “she” was all I could think of
I gave up my soul, so we could have something in common
Soon to find I had hit rock bottom
Had lost the faith, lost the trust
Lost the will to stand back up

Realized the road just can’t be straight
Had a feeling it is all determined by fate
Thought that I was really in control
Was crawling now down the road
A streak of light struck me
Then I realized it was dark all around me
A precious thought was what it was
Satan pinned me to the ground
Now I longed for the sun to rise
To begin my journey on my feet again

Thought that I was really in control
Was walking slower, feeling alive….alone.